A parent reached out to the "Care and Feeding" column at Slate with concerns about their parents showing favoritism toward their brother’s white grandchildren, compared to their own adopted children, who are of similar ages. The parent described that their parents give better gifts, spend more time with, and praise the brother’s children more frequently. They also noted that the grandparents often take the side of the brother’s children during disagreements. The parent is unsure how to address this without accusing their parents, who are known for their strong opposition to racism, and are also concerned about straining their relationship with their brother’s family. The column’s response advised the parent to focus on the impact of the behavior on their adopted children rather than directly accusing their parents. The writer suggested discussing how the favoritism might affect the children’s sense of belonging, especially since they are adopted and may already feel more vulnerable about their place in the family. The advice emphasized maintaining contact with the grandparents while clearly communicating the emotional effects of the behavior, rather than cutting off communication immediately. The writer of the column shared a personal story about being the only Asian and adoptee in their family, and how some relatives showed subtle prejudice, even if it wasn’t overt or actionable. They explained that even small, seemingly harmless behaviors can have lasting negative effects on children, and that the parent’s main duty is to protect their children’s emotional wellbeing. The column acknowledged that the parent and their spouse would need to decide how to move forward based on how their parents respond, but stressed the importance of honesty in preserving important family relationships. Ultimately, the column encouraged the parent to approach the situation with care, empathy, and a focus on their children’s needs. It emphasized that while navigating family dynamics can be complex, open communication and prioritizing the children’s feelings are essential for maintaining a healthy and supportive family environment.