Conflictual personalities thrive on tension

Many people find themselves either silent or angry when faced with aggressive or confrontational behavior, whether in person or online. Clinical psychologist Deborah Vinall suggests there is a middle ground that can help de-escalate these situations.

Understanding conflictual behavior

According to Deborah Vinall, people who are prone to conflict often enjoy arguments and interact in a hostile or aggressive way. They see disagreements as chances to prove their moral or intellectual superiority, which can make interactions with them stressful and unproductive.

Roots of conflictual behavior

Vinall connects this behavior to emotional intelligence and life experiences. Some people prioritize being right or issues of justice over maintaining relationships. Others may be used to social power or come from environments where conflict was normalized, making respectful communication unfamiliar to them.

A simple phrase to defuse tension

Vinall recommends using the phrase "I see things differently" when dealing with aggressive individuals. This statement conveys confidence and calm, without escalating the situation or retreating, and can surprise those used to aggressive responses.

Additional strategies for de-escalation

Besides using this phrase, Vinall suggests staying calm, validating emotions without agreeing to the statement, seeking common solutions, setting boundaries, and reflecting back what the other person says to encourage clarity and understanding.