Regret from inaction, not failure

Psychologists have found that people often regret their inactions more than their failures. This insight is central to Histoires d'audace, a book by Steves Doupeux, set for release in November 2026. The book explores how small, everyday choices can lead to lifelong regrets, based on nine true stories of individuals facing fear and adversity.

A hypnotherapist's office and a lesson in regret

In the office of a Breton hypnotherapist, an 86-year-old woman named Jeanne shared her story. She spoke of her grief not for her late husband but for the life she had not lived. Jeanne had dreamed of adventure and travel as a young girl but chose a path of safety and routine instead. Her regret was not tied to a single failure but to a lifetime of missed opportunities.

Psychology of regret and missed opportunities

Research from 1995 by psychologists Thomas Gilovich and Victoria Medvec showed that people tend to regret inactions more than actions. For example, missing a chance at a promotion may cause more long-term regret than losing a game of poker. This suggests that the choices we avoid can haunt us more than the ones we make.

Survival instincts and the weight of silence

Steves Doupeux argues that humans are wired to survive, not necessarily to succeed. He explains that taking risks can feel like a test of strength, and our biology may prevent us from stepping out of our comfort zone. Regret, he says, builds quietly through small decisions and unspoken fears, creating an invisible wall over time.

Scientific support for the power of regret

Psychologist Roy Baumeister and his colleagues found in a 2001 study that negative experiences have a stronger psychological impact than positive ones. People often prioritize avoiding a bad self-image over pursuing a good one. This explains why fear and caution can become powerful forces in shaping our lives, even when they feel limiting.