Friendship matters deeply to children

When a child comes home upset after a disagreement with their best friend, parents might try to reassure them quickly. But what seems minor to adults can feel deeply painful to a child, as friendships are among the first relationships they choose to share their daily lives with.

Emotions need validation, not dismissal

Psychologist Gwendoline Jouaret advises parents to accept their child's emotions without minimizing the situation. Instead of trying to convince the child the issue isn't serious, parents should validate their feelings and show they are present and supportive.

Acknowledging without pretending to know

If a child says a parent doesn't understand, Jouaret suggests not insisting but acknowledging their experience. Saying, "OK, maybe I don't exactly understand what you're going through, but in these cases, I believe you," can help the child feel heard without needing to prove their pain.

Supporting reflection, not solving the problem

After validating emotions, Jouaret recommends helping the child reflect on the situation. Parents can ask guiding questions to help them think about what happened, without pretending to know all the details of the friendship or resolving everything for them.

Fairness is important in conflict

Jouaret emphasizes that parents should remain fair, avoiding blaming the other child. Children in such situations expect their parents to be impartial and to help them reflect on their own role in the conflict without placing all the blame on them.

Encouraging honesty and growth

By asking thoughtful questions, parents can help the child consider their actions and how they might have contributed to the conflict. This approach supports the child in honestly examining the situation while still being fully accepted for their feelings.