Should one stay with their partner to preserve their children? This is a question many parents face during a relationship crisis. Fears of hurting their child, disrupting routines, organizing shared custody, or the idea of "breaking up the family" can lead some to delay a separation. But is staying together truly in the child's best interest? Is there an ideal age to wait before separating? And can a separation ultimately benefit children? According to Véronique Kohn, a clinical psychologist specializing in romantic relationships, the key factor is the quality of the relationship between the parents. Children do not necessarily fare better when their parents stay together. "What matters most for a child is not that their parents live under the same roof, but that they can develop in a secure environment," she explains. Even when parents try their best, children often sense the tensions between their parents. They may feel that a parent is unhappy or that the relationship has deteriorated, even without being told. In some cases, children become mediators in their parents' conflicts, trying to ease tensions or protect one parent. Over time, this can lead them to prioritize their parents' emotional needs over their own. This is especially common when conflicts are frequent or prolonged. On the other hand, a separation can allow each parent to regain balance. If parents can then communicate calmly and shield their child from conflict, the child may find a more stable and reassuring environment. "A separation does not automatically mean a child will be unhappier. What matters most is the environment in which they continue to grow," Kohn emphasizes. Should one wait until the children are older to separate? Many believe it is better to delay a separation until the child is older—such as when they start school or enter adolescence—thinking it will be easier for the child to understand and accept the change. However, Kohn says there is no ideal age for separation. "What matters is not the child's age, but the environment in which they grow up," she notes. Delaying a separation for years simply because the child is young is not necessary. Regardless of their age, children need affection, stability, and consistent support. If a separation allows for a more peaceful daily life, the child can gradually find a new balance. "To grow up well, a child needs parents who can be present, available, and sufficiently stable to help them manage their emotions," Kohn reminds. Saving the relationship for the children: is it always a good idea? Kohn says that if both partners are willing to work on their relationship and it is still possible to rebuild it, it may be worth trying. "Having children can even give an additional reason to seek solutions and find a more peaceful relationship," she notes. However, staying together solely to avoid a separation without addressing the underlying issues can allow tensions to fester. The real question, she says, is not "Should I stay for my children?" but rather, "Can we still build a healthy and peaceful relationship for us and our children?" How to protect the child when separating? A separation does not mean the family disappears—it simply changes form. When possible, parents can work together to create a stable co-parenting arrangement. This involves making important decisions for the child together, preserving their routines, and keeping them away from adult conflicts. It requires communication, compromise, and a clear distinction between the end of the romantic relationship and the continuation of the parental role. Kohn suggests that parents should explain the separation in an age-appropriate way, reassure the child they are not responsible for the change, and avoid asking them to choose between parents or relay messages. Maintaining relationships with both parents, preserving routines, and allowing the child to love both parents without guilt are also important steps. If the parents can no longer get along, this is a particularly delicate situation. After a separation, not all parents can establish a peaceful co-parenting arrangement, and it is not a failure if this is the case. When a breakup follows infidelity, addiction, violence, or an abusive relationship, tensions can be intense, making communication and decision-making difficult. In such cases, the priority is to regain calm and security for both the parents and the child. Co-parenting can be addressed later if the situation allows. So, should one stay in the relationship for the children? According to Kohn, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. In some cases, the relationship can be repaired, while in others, separation may be the best solution. The most important thing is not to make the child bear the decision. Whether to stay together or separate, the key is to preserve the child's emotional security and well-being. The real question is not only "Should I stay together for my children?" but rather, "In what situation will my child be the safest and happiest?" concludes the psychologist.