A parent recently wrote to the Care and Feeding column on Slate, a popular website that offers advice on parenting and family life, seeking guidance about their 12-year-old daughter, Ella, and her friendship with a classmate named Olivia. The parent described a recent trip to the zoo with Ella and Olivia, during which Ella felt that Olivia was being dismissive and rude. The parent intervened when Olivia used what they considered unkind nicknames for Ella. However, after the trip, Ella expressed frustration with her parent for stepping in, feeling embarrassed in front of her "friend." The parent is now trying to decide how to handle the situation. They are considering whether to inform Olivia’s mother about the incident, explicitly forbid Ella from seeing Olivia, or gently ask Ella more about the nature of their friendship. For now, the parent has decided not to drive Olivia anywhere else, as a way to signal that they are reconsidering the friendship. They also note that Ella has had other healthy friendships and likely understands what respectful behavior looks like. The Care and Feeding column responded by advising the parent to give Ella time to process the situation before discussing it further. The parent should wait until Ella cools off and then reapproach the conversation with empathy. The advice emphasized listening more than talking, being curious about Ella’s feelings and other friendships, and encouraging her to reflect on which relationships she truly values. The column suggested that the parent should trust Ella’s ability to make good decisions, as reinforcing that belief can help Ella build self-confidence. The advice also reminded the parent that while it can be tempting to step in when a child is upset, allowing them to learn from their experiences is a key part of growing up. By giving Ella space to process the situation, the parent can support her emotional development while still being available to guide her when needed.