Self-expansion in relationships

In romantic relationships, people often adopt their partner's interests, habits, and preferences, sometimes to the point of losing sight of their own desires. This process, called self-expansion, can bring new experiences and personal growth, but it can also lead to losing important parts of oneself.

Identity changes in couples

A 2014 study by researchers Brent Mattingly, Gary Lewandowski, and Kevin McIntyre found that relationships can lead to both positive and negative changes in identity. For example, someone who was once sociable might become more withdrawn, or someone might abandon personal interests to align more with their partner's preferences.

Fear of abandonment and self-perception

Psychologist Theresa E. DiDonato has observed that people who fear being abandoned may be more likely to change their self-perception in relationships. These individuals often prioritize maintaining the relationship over their personal preferences, altering how they see themselves to preserve the bond.

One-sided compromises and narcissism

This tendency can become especially problematic in one-sided relationships, such as those with narcissistic partners. In these cases, one person may suppress their desires to avoid conflict or disappointment. It's crucial to maintain personal autonomy by continuing activities that were once enjoyed or by making choices that reflect individual preferences.

Maintaining personal identity

The goal is not to return to who one was before falling in love but to ensure that choices continue to reflect one's evolving identity. Rediscovering personal desires may begin with a simple question: if one had to choose only for themselves, what would they want to do today?