Attraction in relationships and infidelity

In long-term relationships, it can be challenging to determine when behaviors that seem close to infidelity actually begin. One question that arises is whether feeling attracted to someone else is a warning sign.

Threats to long-term relationships

Long-term relationships face various challenges, including frequent conflicts, differing opinions, fading romantic feelings, reduced intimacy, and infidelity. These factors can contribute to the breakdown of a relationship, but identifying when infidelity starts is complex.

Definition of fidelity

Gérard Leleu, a sexologist and psychotherapist, suggests that in an exclusive relationship, fidelity should be total—covering love, intimacy, and even thoughts. This means that partners are expected to be faithful in every aspect of their relationship.

Study on attraction and infidelity

A study published in February 2024 in The Journal of Sex Research explored whether attraction to someone other than one’s partner is a sign of infidelity. Researchers Charlene Belu and Lucia O'Sullivan conducted this study to better understand the dynamics of attraction within committed relationships.

Participants and methodology

The study involved 542 participants aged 22 to 35 who were in monogamous relationships for at least three months and had a crush on someone else. Participants completed an online questionnaire about their crush, their relationship with the crush, and their overall relationship satisfaction and commitment.

Findings on attraction and infidelity

The results showed that developing an interest in someone else is common in relationships. Most participants (67.7%) had not shared their crush with their partner. Despite the prevalence of these attractions, only 3% of participants ended up cheating on their partner with their crush.

Factors influencing attraction

The researchers found that attraction to someone else is influenced by the perceived quality of an alternative relationship and the level of satisfaction and investment in the current relationship. Greater attraction to another person was linked to lower satisfaction in the primary relationship, suggesting that intense attraction might indicate relationship issues.