Changing patterns in midlife

Some people in their fifties begin to realize that saying no does not harm their relationships and can lead to personal fulfillment. This realization often comes after years of prioritizing others' needs over their own.

The Nice Girl Syndrome

Psychotherapist Beverly Engel, author of the book Nice Girl Syndrome, has highlighted a common pattern among women who have experienced abuse or mistreatment. She describes a syndrome where women learn to be overly friendly, kind, and helpful to feel safe.

Shifting self-perception

Psychologist Marta Martinez Novoa explains in her book Stop trying to please everyone (and think about yourself!) that adapting too much to others can lead to forgetting oneself. These behaviors often stem from childhood experiences and are only recognized later in life.

The foundation of change

According to Martinez Novoa, the key to finding happiness is daring to say no and prioritizing one's own needs. Many women believe that thinking about themselves is selfish, but she argues that the most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves.

Triggering events

A significant life event, such as a burnout or a breakup, often prompts this change. These events help individuals recognize their emotional needs and start making adjustments to their behavior and expectations.

Transforming relationships

Learning to say no can change not only personal habits but also the balance of relationships. People stop responding to others' expectations constantly and begin expressing their needs, even if it means not always being appreciated.

Building healthier connections

Martinez Novoa suggests that this shift allows for more satisfying relationships based on mutual care. People naturally seek out relationships where they can express their needs and demand the attention they deserve, leading to greater fulfillment and well-being.