Before engaging in a sexual relationship with a new partner, this question deserves to be asked. At 27 years old, Claire has developed the habit of asking herself a question before having sex with someone. A way for her to avoid romantic disappointments. Because when you meet someone who appeals to you, it is not always easy to distinguish what you desire at the moment from what you hope for the future. There are the first dates, the messages exchanged until late at night, the tender gestures and this growing attraction. Then comes the question of whether it is too early to move to the next step. Should one wait for three dates? Five? Be sure that the other person wants a serious relationship? Behind these questions often lies another concern, that of becoming attached to someone who is not looking for the same thing. However, as recalled by the Body+Soul Sex Census 2026, we do not all have the same motivations when we have sex. And understanding theirs could help approach encounters more calmly. We do not all have sex for the same reasons. Sexual desire does not always respond to the same expectations. According to the Body+Soul Sex Census 2026, 46 % of respondents cite physical pleasure among their motivations for having sexual relations. For 43 %, it is about expressing love and affection. But 39 % also state that they have sex to deepen a relationship, while 36 % seek an emotional connection. Finally, 29 % mention the need to feel desired or attractive. These motivations can obviously mix. A person can seek pleasure while hoping to strengthen a romantic bond. Another may simply want to enjoy a moment of intimacy without necessarily considering a serious relationship. It is precisely when these expectations differ that disappointments can appear. Two people may very much want to have sex together, without assigning the same meaning to that moment. For one, it is about sharing a pleasant experience with someone who appeals to them. For the other, this closeness already represents a new step in the relationship. The next day, the expectations are therefore no longer the same. One expects more messages, tenderness or common projects, while the other simply resumes the course of their days. No one necessarily lied about their intentions. But each had imagined a different outcome, without taking the time to talk about it. The question to ask before having sex with someone. Claire then chooses to replace the outdated rules of dating with a much more personal question. "What do I expect this to change, and would I still want it if nothing changed?" A question that invites reflection on one's true motivations. Do you want to have sex with this person because you want to, or because you hope that this closeness will make you more willing to commit? The difference may seem subtle, but it changes a lot. If you secretly expect that a sexual relationship will transform a casual encounter into a love story, the risk of disappointment becomes more important. This does not mean that one should give up having sex with someone just because one hopes for a serious relationship. Sex can naturally contribute to the building of romantic intimacy. But it does not constitute, on its own, a promise of commitment. If the idea that nothing changes after this night seems particularly painful, it may be better to take the time to discuss it. What does the other person seek? How does she envision the future? Does she want to continue discovering each other? These conversations do not guarantee that feelings will evolve in the same direction, but they at least allow for a better understanding of each other's expectations. And especially, they remind that there is no universal calendar for having sex with someone. One can wait several weeks and be delighted, or share intimacy from the first night and build a beautiful story. The question may not be about how many dates one should wait for, but whether one makes this choice for oneself rather than in the hope of changing the other person's feelings.