Lisa Marie Wilson met a man on a dating app who claimed to be 5-foot-10 and to live on the beach. Only one of those facts was true. When she arrived for their date, she realized they were the same height — and she’s not 5-foot-10. She didn’t plan to bring it up, but her date did, saying, "You aren’t really 5'9," she told Vox. Though she gave him the benefit of the doubt at first, she soon noticed he was suspicious of her. "It was like he was an investigative reporter asking me questions, but like if you were interviewing someone you didn’t like," she said. By the end of the date, she decided not to see him again, frustrated by his accusatory tone. She turned down his offer for a massage and left, unable to get past his comment. To her surprise, he later emailed her to end things. Dating in the U.S. has become increasingly picky and high-stakes. A 2026 survey by the Kinsey Institute found that 34 percent of singles now have a "checklist" of what they’re looking for in a partner, up from 25 percent in 2021. Political differences, traditional gender roles, and even the use of AI in dating apps have all influenced how people approach relationships. Meanwhile, TikTok has introduced new dating lingo — terms like "breadcrumbing" and "goblintimacy" — that reflect a more confrontational and less romantic approach to dating. These changes have led to more suspicion and less openness among daters. Experts say that assuming the worst of others is not a good strategy for finding love or even a fun date. Paul Eastwick, a psychology professor and author of Bonded By Evolution, told Vox that being suspicious can actually hinder attraction. "If you're eternally suspicious, that tends to be a boundary to attraction," he said. In the past, people met through mutual friends, coworkers, or social events, gradually getting to know each other before pursuing a relationship. Now, with dating apps, people are meeting strangers directly, often with little context or time to build trust. This has changed the way people approach dating, making it more transactional and less natural. Dating apps have also amplified the tension in modern relationships. With more people sharing their dating struggles online, negative experiences can quickly become generalized or exaggerated. Social media platforms like TikTok and Reddit have become spaces for people to vent about their romantic lives, but these posts often lack nuance and context. This can reinforce harmful stereotypes, such as the idea that all men are toxic or all women are shallow. Some people, like writer Asa Seresin, argue that this widespread negativity has led to what he calls "heteropessimism" — a belief that dating is inherently difficult or unfulfilling, especially for heterosexuals. He says this mindset has worsened in recent years due to societal shifts, including debates over gender roles and rights. Despite these challenges, experts say that focusing on curiosity and openness, rather than suspicion, can help people find meaningful connections. "It's very easy to think, 'I know exactly how this person thinks,'" Seresin said. But relationships are about discovery, not certainty. The risk of disappointment is part of the process, but it doesn’t mean that all relationships are doomed. To find love, people may need to let go of the instinct to protect themselves and instead open up to the possibility that someone else might also be flawed, but still worth getting to know.