Children's silence not always a sign of broken trust

When a child responds "fine" to questions about their day and shrugs when asked about their experiences, parents may interpret this as a sign of broken trust. However, silence is not always an indicator of relationship issues. It can also be a reaction to how questions are framed. Parents can adjust their approach to encourage more open communication.

Spontaneous confidences reflect well-being

Research indicates that children decide what to share, not parents. A Swedish study involving 1,186 14-year-olds and their parents found that spontaneous confidences from children were more indicative of their well-being than information obtained through monitoring or questioning. Informed parents are those to whom children feel comfortable speaking.

Controlled questioning may discourage sharing

Efforts by parents to control or monitor their children were not linked to better adjustment in the children, once the feeling of being controlled was neutralized. This suggests that questions perceived as controlling may discourage children from sharing. However, the study is correlational and does not measure the tone of the questions or prove that specific questions cause muteness.

Open-ended questions encourage communication

Studies on interviewing young children suggest that open invitations, such as "Tell me," produce more detailed answers than targeted questions. Errors often arise with closed yes/no questions. Applying this at home, parents can replace "Did it go well?" with "Tell me a moment of your day." Encouraging children to describe recent memories and accepting silences can also be effective.

Modeling openness helps children feel safe

Sharing parts of one's own day can help create a more relaxed environment for communication. This approach models openness and can make children more likely to share their own experiences, fostering a trusting relationship.