Grandparents' role in child development

Four child psychologists were asked what grandparents can offer their family most valuably. Their answer focused on the role grandparents play in supporting parents, rather than directly influencing grandchildren, which challenges common beliefs about grandparenting.

Unconditional love and family history

Dr. Amy Kincaid Todey, a child psychologist, said grandparents provide something unique: unconditional love without the pressures of daily education. She noted that grandparents carry family stories, values, and a sense of identity that help grandchildren feel connected to something larger than themselves.

Respect for parents as a foundation

Dr. Joseph Galasso emphasized that respect and empathy toward parents are essential for a strong family system. He suggested a 24-hour reflection period before addressing disagreements about child-rearing to avoid conflict and promote understanding.

Managing advice with mindfulness

Dr. Maya Bousaini recommended a "braking ritual" for grandparents before offering unsolicited advice. This includes taking a deep breath, counting to ten, and asking oneself if the advice is necessary or kind, helping to ensure thoughtful communication.

Consistency and validation

Dr. Brittney Pearson highlighted the importance of consistent rules and respecting each child’s individuality. She said children thrive in predictable environments and encouraged grandparents to validate parents’ efforts, using phrases like "I see how much you love them" to build support and reduce stress.

Evolution and presence in the family

The psychologists also advised grandparents to show they continue to grow, share family stories regularly, and ensure their advice is heard. They noted that grandparents who support parents while maintaining a consistent, authentic presence help children feel safe and secure.