Chatting with a train neighbor is easy. Telling your sister what weighs on you is much less so. How can this be explained? You tell your life story to a taxi driver, but you remain on the surface during family dinners? You are neither cold nor antisocial. Researchers in social psychology describe a well-documented bias: we underestimate the interest others have in what we have to say, and we overestimate the discomfort that a real conversation would cause. A team from the University of Chicago tested this idea in real conditions. In a series of experiments published in 2014 in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, researchers asked train and bus users to talk to a neighbor, stay in their bubble, or travel as usual. Those who engaged in conversation declared a more pleasant experience, without loss of productivity. Yet other participants, asked before the trip, predicted exactly the opposite: more well-being in solitude. Why this forecasting error? The authors point out an underestimation of others' desire to make contact, which prevents us from noticing the real effects of an exchange. In other words, we take the silence of others as disinterest, when it may simply be waiting for the first word. However, the researchers clarify: chatting with a stranger does not bring the lasting benefits of friendship. But the morning commute is clearly improved. The question of deep conversations remains. In 2021, a team conducted 12 experiments with more than 1,800 participants, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The volunteers had to discuss with a stranger starting from light or intimate questions. Result: those who addressed personal subjects had greatly overestimated the coming discomfort, and those who had tasted both types of exchanges finally preferred the deeper one. Participants also underestimated the interest their partner would show in their answers, as well as the proximity felt afterward. Why does it seem simpler with a stranger than with a close person? These studies do not test this directly, but a lead emerges: when facing someone you will not see again, there is no image to preserve or history to assume. With family, each confidence weighs more. Good news: if we are mistaken about how strangers receive us, we may also be mistaken about how our close ones receive us. Asking a slightly more personal question tonight could be a good test!