Emotions in children are not to be suppressed but understood. Thomas Fournier suggests three key responses to help them regulate feelings and build self-efficacy.
Emotions help children understand themselves
When a child cries, gets angry, or shows concern, adults often try to calm them immediately. However, emotions are not just things to eliminate. They help children learn about their inner world and express their needs.Parental responses shape emotional development
Thomas Fournier, a psychologist, explains that how parents respond to a child's emotions greatly influences their development. Educational responses focused on emotions can significantly impact a child's ability to understand themselves, feel capable, and build their identity.Three strategies for emotional support
Fournier proposes three specific phrases to help children recognize their emotions, value their ability to express them, and learn better emotional control. Each phrase addresses a different need and supports the child's emotional growth.First phrase validates the child's feelings
The first phrase, "I see that it is difficult for you right now, and you have the right to express everything you think and feel," lets the child know their emotions are legitimate. It avoids questioning whether their feelings are justified and encourages open communication.Second phrase acknowledges emotional progress
The second phrase, "I congratulate you for having precisely named what you feel, that helps me understand better," values the child's ability to identify and name their emotions. This supports their emotional skills and helps them communicate more effectively with others.Third phrase offers support during intense emotions
The third phrase, "We are a team: the emotion is very strong, we will first calm it down together and then we will look for a solution," helps when a child is overwhelmed. It reassures them that they don't have to handle intense emotions alone and that finding solutions can come after calming down.Not all parental reactions are the same
Fournier notes that not all parents approach emotions the same way. Some may repeat the reactions they experienced as children, others follow traditional education methods, and others try a more positive approach. However, well-intentioned reactions can sometimes send the wrong message if they invalidate the child's feelings.
