Frequent child crying can overwhelm adults, but certain phrases may invalidate emotions and hinder emotional growth, says psychologist Thomas Fournier.
Frequent crying exhausts adults
When a child cries often, the repeated episodes can drain adults, leading them to try to stop the crying quickly using various methods like reassurance or even threats.Children may not be able to control their emotions
According to psychologist Thomas Fournier, children might not be able to respond to requests to regain control when overwhelmed by emotions, and some parental reactions can worsen the child's feelings.Three phrases can reinforce shame
These three types of phrases can unintentionally reinforce shame or a sense of helplessness in children, though it's not about labeling every awkward response as dangerous. Parents already face enough pressure."Calm down, it's not that serious" invalidates feelings
The phrase "Calm down, it's not that serious" can invalidate the child's feelings and give an unrealistic instruction without a solution. This can make the child feel their emotions are excessive and difficult to manage."Don't cry in front of others" shifts the problem
Saying "Don't cry in front of others" shifts the focus from dealing with the emotion to hiding it, which can lead the child to see emotional expression as a form of weakness or something to be ashamed of."Think of a tool to calm yourself" comes too early
The suggestion "Think of a tool to calm yourself" may seem constructive but can be too early during a crying crisis. Thomas Fournier notes this creates a confusion of temporalities, as the child needs reassurance first before learning self-regulation.Validating the child's feelings is recommended
Thomas Fournier suggests validating the child's feelings without judgment, offering support and allowing the child to correct the parent's interpretation of their emotions.Regulation comes before reflection
When the child's emotions are too strong, the priority is regulation. Once calm is regained, the adult can help the child reflect on what they can do in the future.
