Childhood phrases can shape emotions

During childhood, seemingly minor phrases can have significant consequences. When telling a child not to cry, the emotional impact is much greater than one might think. Faced with a child in the middle of a tantrum, it can be difficult to know what to say or do to calm them. It may be tempting to downplay the situation, to make them understand that nothing is serious and therefore tell them that crying is pointless. However, even as adults, the phrase "Stop crying" rarely prevents us from crying. And, in children, this phrase is even more ineffective and potentially harmful, according to psychologists.

Impact on self-esteem and emotional development

Self-esteem, confidence, emotional intelligence: the consequences of "Stop crying" are far-reaching. "Stop crying," "It's not worth getting so worked up," "Your tears won't change anything"... Expecting a child not to cry goes beyond simply wanting to avoid tantrums; it says a lot about our view of emotions and their expression. "Many parents mistakenly believe that a lack of emotions is a sign of strength," writes psychotherapist Amy Morin for Inc. But children who suppress their feelings are simply pretending to be strong, which is very different from true mental strength.

Emotional suppression and its effects

Telling a child to stop crying leads them to believe their feelings are inappropriate, according to Amy Morin. Conversely, when you praise them for not crying, you are making them understand that feeling sad is bad. Of course, this behavior stems from a desire to alleviate pain and fix things, admits Kelsey Mora, a child therapist, for CNBC. This can give children the impression that their emotions and tears are not acceptable, especially when they are suffering or in distress.

Long-term emotional consequences

This habit does not make children stronger and less sensitive; it encourages them to ignore what they feel and to turn inward on themselves. A reflex that can follow them into adulthood. In the same way that they will have difficulty confiding in you if they feel you do not understand their emotions and minimize them, they risk experiencing difficulties in opening up to others and daring to show vulnerability.

Experts recommend validating emotions

"Be attentive to the crying; it is probably a sign of a child in distress," advises clinical psychologist Mona Delahooke on her site. Crying, like screaming, shouting, or anger outbursts, is a "fight or flight" reaction. It is an involuntary reaction of the child to stress. "Ignoring their tears will make them stronger, but validating their emotions can help." To help them feel safe and supported when they express their emotions and tears, Kelsey Mora rather recommends these five phrases: "You have the right to cry, I'm here for you," "I see your tears," "Your feelings are understandable," "It is natural to feel sad," and "Crying is a healthy way for our body to express our emotions."