Our advice columnists have seen a wide range of questions from readers over the years, and we’ve decided to revisit some classic letters from the archives. If you have a question, you can send it anonymously to Stoya and Rich. Dear How to Do It, This might sound funny, but I’m genuinely struggling with a dilemma. I’m a straight woman and I admit this might sound judgmental, but I’m a “size queen”—I prefer men with larger penises. I wouldn’t want to be in a situation where someone judged me for something I couldn’t change, but this preference has become a bit of a complex for me. I just ended a five-year relationship with a man who was very well-endowed. Before that, I had a more adventurous lifestyle and dated many men, most of whom were average or slightly below average in size. A few were bigger than the rest, and I found those more appealing. My issue is that men with smaller penises don’t really turn me on. I like to feel something substantial, and I also enjoy giving blowjobs, which I find more exciting with a larger penis. I’m worried that if I meet the love of my life, he might not have a large penis. Help. —Reluctant Size Queen Dear RSQ, I think the answer is to keep an open mind and not rely solely on physical attributes. I understand the appeal of a larger penis—it can be very alluring—but when that becomes the main focus, it can take away from seeing the person as a whole. You don’t need to eliminate your preference, but it’s important to remain open to other qualities that make someone attractive. There are many men with average-sized penises who are talented, kind, and passionate. Try expanding your idea of what makes a man desirable. Perhaps meeting the love of your life and finding out he has a smaller penis might actually be a positive experience for you. —Rich Juzwiak Dear How to Do It, I’ve been feeling guilty about my past sexual behavior and don’t know how to move on. I’ve been interested in bondage content since I was a teenager and am now in my mid-30s. I suspect I might be on the autism spectrum. I’ve been married for over 10 years, and my wife doesn’t share my interest in bondage or agree with me looking at such content. I’ve kept it a secret, believing it’s an unspoken understanding between us. I recently became a father, and the guilt has overwhelmed me. I feel like a pervert for bringing this habit to work, even though I was careful to keep it private. I’ve cut back and deleted my online account, but I don’t know how to forgive myself. I can’t tell my wife, and I fear losing my job, my marriage, and my child. —Guilty Dear Guilty, First, stop engaging in any sexual activity at your middle school workplace—it’s a legal and professional risk. Find a more appropriate place, like a single-stall restroom with a lock. Over time, you’ll be able to look back on your past behavior and forgive yourself for who you were. You’re dealing with unresolved shame that may have been unfairly placed on you. Ideally, your wife would accept your interests as part of who you are, but she hasn’t. If the porn you watch is ethical and consensual, there’s nothing wrong with having an interest in bondage. Therapy is the best path forward, especially since you suspect you might be on the autism spectrum. It can take years to process shame, but with the right support, you can find clarity. —R. J.